A blog by Guan Ming Teo

A letter from a fan

Dear Bee Gees,

Firstly, I must tell you that I am a long-term fan of your work. I have listened to your songs since I was young. At first I mostly liked the earlier stuff that I confess, I had confused for the Beatles (sorry for mentioning the B word) but am appreciating the later stuff these days, you know, like the bits you sing in falsetto.

This is not the only reason I am writing to you today. Unfortunately, I have some news for you, something that perhaps you overlooked, or maybe the meaning of the word has changed in today’s society. That word is Manganese. You’ve probably stopped at this point, and are thinking, “I don’t understand what’s the deal with Manganese,” but that’s okay. I come to you today not just with a problem, but with a solution also. I like to think ahead.

So, while your original lyrics are good, they’re a bit vague, and really don’t highlight the issues that a diet lacking in Manganese could cause. Where you have: “Manganese! When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, it’s Manganese! When the morning cries and you don’t know why, it’s hard to bear, with no-one to love you you’re going nowhere.” I think it’s a good start, but can be improved. I have provided you with a new chorus that I think explains the problems associated with Manganese deficiency a little clearer. My proposed new chorus:

MANGANESE!
If you’ve malformed bones and some hearing loss
It’s MANGANESE!
When your brain seizures and your blood don’t clot
It’s hard to stand
Without falling over and hitting your head

MANGANESE!
When your hair grows slow or its colour changed
It’s MANGANESE!
If you’re infertile or your BP’s high
It’s true I swear
Take MANGANESE now or your growth will impair

I hope you like it; I spent all night on it. Now, I think enough time has passed that you could release some kind of 10-, 20- or whatever-year anniversary special edition of this song to dominate the charts, so you’re happy, I’m happy, and people will be happy that they’re better informed about Manganese. However, I am prepared to recognise my proposed lyrics may not be quite to your taste, so I have also made some samples of other possible lyric changes:

MANKY KNEES!
When you’re just too fat and you wear short shorts
You’ve MANKY KNEES!

Also, perhaps you could try:

STINKY CHEESE!
When you go to France and you get Roquefort
It’s STINKY CHEESE!

Please do not hesitate to let me know if you would like to collaborate further on this song. I think we can turn this great piece of music into a greater piece of music.

In return, I only ask for umm, 25–30% of the profits? I’m not greedy.

Yours sincerely,

M.

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Taking experiments too far

So, pork. When done right, it’s tender, juicy, and packed with flavour. It pairs well with a lot of different things, which makes it a versatile and whimsical meat. Sometimes though, too much of a good thing is a very, very bad thing.

Introducing my dinner:

Seared pork and scallops, roasted hazelnuts, savoy cabbage and green apple ice cream, with a black tea and bittersweet chocolate sauce and granita

If you’re morbidly curious, here’s how I did it.

Ingredients

  • Half a savoy cabbage, washed and leaves separated;
  • 2 granny smith apples, peeled, cored and diced;
  • 1tsp dijion mustard;
  • 1 egg yolk;
  • uhh … a dash of whipping cream, I don᾿t remember how much I used, maybe only 50ml? 50–100ml I guess;
  • 250ml freshly brewed loose-leaf black tea (100°C for 3 minutes);
  • 40g bittersweet chocolate (70% cocoa);
  • 1 titanium gelatine sheet, soaked for 5 minutes in ice cold water;
  • 1tsp potato flour, mixed with a dash of water until milky;
  • 1tsp raw sugar;
  • 3 pork steaks, approximately 160g each, marinated in Calvados for 1.5 hours;
  • 300g scallops;
  • a handful of roasted hazelnuts, no skins, crushed;

Creating Frankenstein’s monster

  1. Blanch the cabbage, then strain and reserve. Do the same for the apples, then pile into a liquidiser and purée until smooth. Add dijion mustard, egg yolk and cream while still hot, continue to purée for a minute or two while the egg and cream volumise the mixture. Add a touch of salt to taste, and place in the freezer, checking on it every 10 minutes to churn;
  2. Wait for the brewed tea to reach 50°C then add the chocolate in small chunks, stirring until combined. Add the gelatine while in an ice bain-marie, stir, and watch it not thicken. Wonder why it’s not thickening for a while. Pour a thin layer onto a dish and par-freeze. Pour the rest into a pot, add potato flour mixture, the raw sugar, and thicken over low heat. Remove from heat and reserve;
  3. When your ice cream has reached a decent temperature and consistency, make final preparations: lightly salt pork and scallops, then sear pork in a hot pan with olive oil for 1 minute on each side, remove to an oven at 60°C while you cook the scallops (adding a touch more oil,) again, for 1 minute each side;
  4. Plate up: quenelles for ice cream, swirls for black tea and chocolate sauce, add a touch of granita in the big yin-yang spots. Slice and arrange the pork, sprinkle over hazelnuts, and take a photo. Realise you’ve forgotten the scallops, but by the time you decide how you want to arrange them on the plate, the ice cream has melted more and you can’t be bothered taking a photo of the actual finished product anyway. Freshly crack pepper. Eat and try to keep it down.

Enjoy! Be warned: if you try this at home, do so at your own risk.

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Food for family II

So, Tim came back for a very short while back in July, and we hastily prepared a little dinner for each our families. I took the chance to use my new Wedgewood plates, which I had bought only two of, for presentation purposes (they are so expensive!) Yes, I would go that far to avoid taking photos of food on plates that have little love hearts on them.

We were slightly hit-and-miss on the dishes, but that’s okay, it’s all good fun.

For entrée, pumpkin soup(ish):

Pumpkin and capsicum royale with goat's cheese and chorizo, served in a bread bowl

For main course, 72-hour slow-cooked beef short rib:

72-hour slow-cooked beef short rib, with parsnip and vanilla puree, brussels sprouts, sweet potato crisps and a beef jus

For dessert, twisted crème brûlée:

Creme brulee with a twist, because it hadn't fully set yet

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Another new short

Yeah, I’m on a roll … of two. I was hoping to write a novella, which is described as “not as long as a novel, but too long to be a short story,” so being in some vague area between 10,000 and 75,000 words. One thing I didn’t want to do is reach that goal by waffling on, so I was happy whether or not I did (I did, by the way, but only just. Very just.)

So, this novella is a semi-spinoff from the last short, tian. It’s not completely necessary, but it wouldn’t hurt to read that one first.

After that or otherwise, I present xian yi: a tale of the house of liu.

P.S.: I was going to rewrite portions into a more … PG rated story, because I cannot in good conscience show my mother a story that has the word “breasts” in it (unless they’re chicken I guess?) If you are a sensitive person, or happen to be my mother, I’d prefer to point you to: xian yi: a tale of the house of liu (censored).

Let me know what you think! Unless, of course, it’s something I don’t want to hear.

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For Kate

You know which one I mean :D Sorry it took so long, I lost a couple in the laundry somewhere.

Anyway, have fun in the eastern states!

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One night in Italy

I decided to host a dinner party for some friends, which ended up being a lot of fun, not least of all because I drank a lot of wine. I called the dinner party, una notte in italia, or: one night in Italy. As all the other photos were really blurred messes, the only photos I took were photos of food (the important stuff!) Everyone enjoyed themselves (or so they told me) so I guess it was a success. As always, I must thank my maître d’, J :D

For entrée, pasta in a butter-cream sauce:

Penne with seared chicken breast, pumpkin, capers, sun-dried tomatoes, and bacon in a butter-cream sauce

For main course, beef osso buco:

Baby beef osso buco (shin) slow cooked for 5.5 hours with double-pressed olive oil pomme puree

Lastly, for dessert, passionfruit pannacotta:

Passionfruit pannacotta

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Food for family

My cousin Tim is soon departing for a foodie’s dream job in Singapore. We decided to have one more cook-off before he leaves, to try some of the things we’d been meaning to have a go at, as well as treating our parents and my big bro.

For entrée, a Thai dish called Ma hor (galloping horses,) based on a recipe by David Coomer (of Star Anise fame):

Ma hor (galloping horses,) a Thai dish involving slices of fresh pineapple, minced duck with garlic, chilli and coriander, with seared scallops on top

For main course, hand-made ravioli with bouillabaisse:

Hand-made ravioli filled with a prawn, carrot and broad bean mousse, surrounded by a prawn and vegetable bouillabaisse

For dessert, our take on the snow egg, based on a recipe by Peter Gilmore (of Quay Restaurant fame):

Our mango snow egg: mango fool (it's like a custard really) sitting underneath an Elderflower granita, with a vanilla bean ice-cream-filled soft meringue encased in a brandy snap shell, topped with finger lime, which are like little baubles of lime (think lime caviar)

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A new short (the first in two years!)

I was about to title this post, “Writing about taking a break from taking a break from writing,” before deciding it was probably only amusing to me. Ahem. Anyway. This short has been one I’ve wanted to write for quite some time, the idea having bubbled away whenever I could afford to entertain it.

Being busy with work and other things has masked my extraordinary two-year writer’s block, and instead of forcing my way through it, I began to write this short instead.

tian

I hope you enjoy it; let me know what you thought. Unless they’re not nice thoughts, then piss off, or lie.

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Making the switch

I don’t know much about databases and system administration and all that jazz. I’m quite willing to admit that, without an easily pressable and instant Undo button, I am most likely awful at it. However, thanks to a couple of friends (Heydon and Van, thank you!) who put up with my unending questions, I managed to acquire a test area, allowing me to play around with the idea of switching my blogging software from Blogger.com to WordPress.

I’m not going to go into permissions, DNS entries, MySQL, and apache, other than to say it was a complicated rabbit-hole of confusion and self-doubt. I just thought it might be good to write about the process.

  1. Have a set up WordPress blog, ready to go in a separate test area so you can see both your old Blogger blog and the new WordPress blog (I followed their detailed instructions with only a handful of pains);
  2. Create an XML export of your Blogger blog, which is under Settings;
  3. Visit the Blogger2Wordpress conversion utility to convert your Blogger XML export to a WordPress XML file;
  4. Import the WordPress XML file into your WordPress blog, which is under Tools.

It works a treat—converting all your old posts (even drafts!) as well as preserving comments—but what it doesn’t do is bring across your Blogger labels as WordPress categories. This means, sadly, having to re-categorise all your old posts, as well as tagging them as you wish.

Once that’s sorted, and you’ve managed to hack the Theme to suit what you wanted before (I hacked heavily into the default Twenty Ten theme to suit what I wanted, which removes some of the in-built functions like adding/updating the Header image and the like, but I don’t care, it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want with it,) then you’re ready to drop your old blog and make your WordPress install live.

So thank you to all the people’s help, plugins and utilities I made use of, and say hello to my shiny new WordPress blog. It has search!

Oh P.S.: My RSS feed address for subscriptions has changed! It’s now Entries RSS!

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Today

Today, I watched as a young mother roughly “placed” her baby into the pram. When baby began to cry, she became annoyed and slapped baby’s leg. When that only made the crying worse, she (again roughly) picked baby up and pushed baby’s face into her chest, muffling the cries.

When that didn’t work, she held the back of baby’s head, and used her other hand to push baby’s jaw closed, thus rendering baby unable to make any noise, forcing ragged breaths through tiny nostrils.

I didn’t know what to do. Tell her to stop? She’d tell me to fuck off and mind my own business. Call Security? How would that help? I had no proof. What should I do?

I thought she was too young, too unsuitable to being that baby’s mother. I thought she was terrible.

I did nothing, though. What if she harms her baby more, much more, much worse? Who’s terrible now?

Now that I’ve written this, too late do I know what I should have done. I should have recorded video of her actions, I should have taken (stolen?) her driver’s license so I knew her name and address, and called the Police, Child Welfare, someone. I should have. I didn’t, and I’m sorry.

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How to make a stable cream sauce

Rather than add copious amounts of butter and double cream and reduce (which a lot of cooks recommend,) try to restrain them: use single whipping cream instead (35% milkfat, no thickening gelatine) and firm up the sauce using cornflour + water mixtures. Mix thoroughly on a light simmer, and it will hold stable throughout the meal, in the fridge, and into the microwave for reheating leftovers the next day. Just don’t boil the sauce or make your cornflour and water paste too dry, you will get lumps in either case. It looks much more appetising than a demulsified buttersauce.

Spaghetti, scallops and prawns in a stable cream sauce

Ingredients

  • 500g dried spaghetti
  • 500g shucked dry scallops (wet scallops are larger, whiter, and injected with phosphates and water. Dry scallops have an ‘iced peach’ sort of colour, are smaller and more expensive, but are overall nicer.)
  • 1kg tiger/banana/king prawns, shelled and deveined (equates to around 450–500g prawn meat)
  • 250g streaky bacon, cut into 2cm squares
  • 2tbsp baby capers, rinsed of their vinegar
  • Half a medium-sized butternut squash, cut into 2cm cubes
  • 1 medium-sized zucchini, cut into 2cm rings and then quartered
  • Pick one of:
    • A handful of lemonthyme
    • Zest of a lemon and a handful of thyme
    • Zest of a lemon and a handful of fennel top
    • Zest of a lemon and a handful of Dill
  • 25g butter
  • 2 cloves of garlic, finely diced
  • 2 long red chillies, seeds scraped and finely diced
  • 300ml single cream
  • 2–3tbsp cornflour
  • a dash of water
  • extra-virgin olive oil
  • salt and pepper

Method

  1. Marinate the scallops and prawns in some extra-virgin olive oil, salt and pepper, possible lemon zest, and your herb of choice;
  2. Put a large stockpot to boil with 5 litres of water;
  3. After at least 30 minutes of marinating, put a pan to high heat (Teflon-coated [PTFE] pans at this heat will be carcinogenic, so use something else);
  4. Separating the scallops from the prawns, sear the scallops, in nicely spaced-apart batches, for 1 minute on each side, and no longer, removing each finished batch to a covered dish in an oven heated to 100°C;
  5. Sear the prawns, also nicely spaced-apart batches, for 1.5–2 minutes on each side, then keep warm with the scallops;
  6. Add 40g of salt to the water, wait for reboil, then add pasta, pumpkin and zucchini;
  7. After 3 minutes, use a skimmer to remove the pumpkin and zucchini, refreshing them in cold water, leaving the pasta to cook to packet instructions;
  8. In another pan, heat to medium and fry the bacon for 3 minutes (no oil or any additives);
  9. Add the garlic and chilli and fry for another 3 minutes;
  10. Add the butter and allow it to melt and fry for 1 minute;
  11. Add the cream and while it comes to a simmer, mix a little water with the cornflour to a milky consistency, then add to the pan;
  12. Stir until the sauce is getting towards the right consistency, then add pumpkin, zucchini, scallops and prawns and allow to warm through;
  13. Add salt and pepper to taste, and once everything is warmed through nicely, turn off the heat and stir through the baby capers;
  14. Turn out the pasta and serve with sauce on top.

Serves 6–8.

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Sous vide experiment: Maillard reaction

For those of you caught unawares, sous vide is French for “yum.” No, it isn’t really, it’s French for “under vacuum”: a style of cooking where a foodstuff is vacuum sealed and then cooked in a warm water bath at a low temperature for a long time. The result is a much more even heating, a much higher water retention, thereby providing juicier, more tender and flavourful food. It should be French for “yum.”

I’ve played around with sous vide at home several times already, and the thing that has impressed me the most is how tender and juicy chicken breasts can be—even in my dodgy home setup, where the temperature fluctuates as much as 10°C. Yes, beef steaks, duck breasts, lamb chops all gain tenderness and juiciness, but I feel chicken breasts benefit the most from short-term (1–2 hour) sous vide cooking. Please, cast a glance at my most recent experiment (I apologise for all these photos, they were taken on my iPhone, which sadly is nowhere near as good as my DSLR):

Sous vide chicken breast (cooked between 60.5 and 70 degrees celsius in a cheap, fluctuating home setup) with pomme puree and a creamy cepe and white mushroom sauce

I am perfectly happy searing (searing involves the Maillard or browning reaction, it is a reaction between amino acids and reducing sugars, giving foodstuffs that sexy caramelised brown look) any of the red meats (and pork) post-sous vide, but chicken never really seared all that nicely for me. Exhibit A, grapeseed oil heated to 200°C, cooked each side for 40 seconds:

A close-up of what I believe to be a less-than-awesome Maillard reaction on the chicken breast, a uniform golden colour alike shallow or deep frying chicken

So, I did some research. I read up some more about the Maillard reaction to find that I can increase the Maillard reaction by adding a little glucose. For exhibit B, a half-and-half mixture glucose syrup and hot water, muddled together and basted onto the chicken breast just before frying, again in grapeseed oil, but only at 180°C and for just 20 seconds each side:

A close-up of what I believe to be a more awesome Maillard reaction on the chicken breast, brown caramelisation and a more 'seared' appearance

A much better result. The flavour was essentially the same, but the appearance is closer to a traditionally-seared chicken breast. It is simply 1,000,000 times juicier and tenderer-er-er on the inside.

Okay, maybe not 1,000,000. Maybe … five. At least two.

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An iPhone happy website

Developing websites for mobile devices has come a long way since I first started research on the subject; the only vaguely useful device for browsing was the Palm, and it had a really, really awful stripped-down version of Internet Explorer running on it.

It wasn’t easy to target Internet Explorer for Mobile, either. It wouldn’t acknowledge that it was a “handheld” device, rather choosing to render all stylesheets irrespective of media type. This meant using PHP to sniff for User Agent strings and find one that would affect not only Internet Explorer for Mobile, but Internet Explorer 4 also. Good enough.

After that, it came down to the matter that Internet Explorer does not render anything the way you want it to. It’s such an awful bit of software. So we had to strip sites down completely and rebuild them so they were pretty much black copy on a white background, a small logo at the top and some boringly styled links that would begrudgingly pass itself off as “navigation.”

As I said, it certainly has come a long way. While still feeling somewhat like a hack to target these small screen devices (the claim is that they “render so much better than just a handheld device,” thus they still render “screen” stylesheets,) at least when you do they are pretty much able to render the full complement of code you throw at it. I barely had to do anything: increase the font size, make the menu items easier to poke with your finger, and maybe throw the less useful copy to the bottom of the page. Et voilà, a site that makes iPhones happy:

My iPhone happy website

… and that’s all there is to it.

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Cooking with the Cuz II

My professional-chef-cousin Tim and I both had a decent length of break over Christmas, so we decided to have some cooking funtimes. We made three courses, and it went beautifully.

Delicious. My only problem was the wine we were drinking: by the main course, already you can see I had absolutely no idea what my camera was focussing on, and I didn’t care. Glad that I still had the coordination to do the cute lovehearts on the dessert though!

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Regard my roulade

Not a euphemism.

I wanted to experiment with different cooking methods, and one that seemed to check the “vaguely healthy” requirement list was simmering a roulade.

So, just what is a roulade? The word is taken from the French “rouler” meaning “to roll” and that’s pretty much all it is: a roll. I stuck to fairly safe ingredients, ingredients that I knew fit well with each other, and just tried to figure out a way to cook it that was healthy (-ish) but tasty.

All ingredients are fairly open-ended as it is more experiment than recipe. Try it for yourself with any variations you prefer.

Roulade experiment one

Spinach, mozzarella, and bacon speck-filled chicken roulade, on a bed of sweet potato puree

Ingredients

  • 3 free-range chicken breasts, around 300g each, no skin
  • Handful of baby spinach
  • Small ball of mozzarella, cut into small cubes
  • 100g bacon speck, sliced to thickness 2.5
  • 1 sweet potato
  • Dash of single or double cream
  • A stick of butter

Method

  1. Set a pot of water to boil;
  2. With a filleting knife, butterfly each breast (cut horizontally almost all the way and open it out like a book,) and trim excess fat while you’re at it, if there is any;
  3. On a bench top, lay down a 50cm length of cling film, then lay it down a second time (double thickness) and place one breast in the middle (repeat for the other two);
  4. Fill one side of the breast with the spinach, mozzarella, and bacon speck;
  5. Using the cling film to help you, gently but firmly roll the chicken onto itself, careful not to lose any ingredients, and keep it in place with the cling film (hold the ends and roll it along the bench top, and it should twist at each end. I use the excess lengths on either side to tie to each other, so it sort of looks like a little meat bag complete with handle);
  6. Repeat for other two chicken breasts, wrap in aluminium foil (the cling film has a chance of peeling off during cooking otherwise,) and place in freezer to help set the shape;
  7. Peel and trim the sweet potato, and cut into 1-inch chunks;
  8. Add to the pot of water and cook until soft, about 10 minutes, then use a slotted spoon or skimmer to fish the pieces out, keeping water and reducing to a simmer;
  9. Quickly, before the sweet potato cools, throw straight into a blender or food processor, add butter and cream, blitz until it becomes a fine purée. Add salt and pepper to taste;
  10. Take chicken breasts out and add them to the pot of now simmering water (they should have been in the freezer around 15 minutes) and set a timer for 12 minutes;
  11. It’s handy if you have a Thermapen, or some other accurate temperature gauge. After 12 minutes, carefully fish out one of the chicken breasts, unwrap it just enough to poke it with a temperature gauge. 75°C–80°C? Perfect. Take them out and leave them to sit for 2 minutes. Otherwise, re-wrap and put back in for a little while longer;
  12. Using a spoon, spread out a layer of sweet potato purée, unwrap the chicken breasts and slice into thirds (with two pieces per serve) arrange on top and add cracked pepper, a pinch of salt, and perhaps a drop of extra virgin olive oil.

Roulade experiment number two

The first time I experimented, I didn’t second wrap my roulades in aluminium foil, so the cling film peeled itself off as they cooked, releasing all those meat juices into the pot water. Also, I was lazy and simply poked the roulade with my Thermapen without unwrapping and re-wrapping it, which to some extent released meat juices as well. So that’s why I experimented again.

I tried some slightly different flavours, and since asparagus has been in season, I thought I’d try:

  • Ricotta instead of mozzarella (especially since I only used mozzarella in the first place because I wanted to finish it off);
  • 2 bunches green asparagus and 250g baby chat potato in place of the sweet potato;
  • 1 bunch white asparagus, gently simmered for garnish;

Spinach, ricotta, and English streaky bacon-filled chicken roulade, on a bed of green asparagus and potato puree, with some white asparagus on the side

I think I’d improved the cooking method for the second experiment, but much preferred the flavours of the first (the sweet potato purée gave it a nice kick.)

If there’s anyone out there, and you give this a go, let me know how you went!

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